


Bohemian Notes Of Truth

by XtaticPearl



Series: Paper Cuts And Penned Friendships [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bitterness, Gen, Letters, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 04:46:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7962994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XtaticPearl/pseuds/XtaticPearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony writes back a letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bohemian Notes Of Truth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Riverlander974](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riverlander974/gifts).



> Tony has always been good at words. He just needs to use them right and sharpen them to hit back at the right time. Here we go :P

The stationery was bohemian. It was a part of the long thought out merchandise dedicated to the new Avengers line-up. Steve had seen the designs, all the fifty rejected ones and the five that he had drawn himself as suggestions. He had sat beside an agitated and frustrated Tony on the Compound's couch, pushing the umpteenth espresso cup away from the genius as they bickered over the short-listed designs. Tony had gone for the flashy ones, all sleek and abstract, sharp edges and geometric symbols. Steve had gone for the muted ones, the subdued and grounded ones, bold in design but withdrawn in color.

This one was one of Steve's. He traced over the pale emboss of his shield on the top right corner, right in the center of the circle created by the symbols of the other Avengers. Everyone was there. Even Bruce, Thor and Clint, because they hadn't retired officially at the time that these designs came out.

Everyone but a red and gold mask. Tony had retired the day before these designs even began. Tony was the first one of the team to leave.

Rubbing the small shield emboss for a second, Steve breathed in and slid a fingernail under the closed flap of the envelope. The last time he had opened a letter, he had used one of Natasha's knives for it, much to her consternation and Sam's uncontrollable amusement. The flap came open without much pressure and Steve noted that it was more of a magnetic flap than an ordinary one.

Knowing the person who had sent the letter, it made a lot more sense.

The letter slid out easily, precisely folded into two quarters, in a clear imitation of how Steve usually folded his letters. It was a light weight in his palm when he pulled it out and held it, lighter than the weight it surely held from a man on the other end of the world. Steve brought the letter closer to his face and breathed in its fragrance, knowing that it was scented. That had been Natasha's input when they had been discussing the stationery. She always said that a good news should come with a good scent.

The letter smelled like home even if the news was bound to feel alien.

Unfolding the sheet of paper, Steve realized that it held two sheets pinned together. The one at the behind was shorter than the former, but it held the same fragrance. Leaning back in his garden chair, Steve smoothed out the creases of the unexpected letter and began to read.

_Steve,_

_I guess it was time for you to catch some sun. It's been a long time since you took a break and I must say, nothing beats a royal one for that. T'Challa is pretty strange to me with his eternally calm expression and unflappable demeanor, because seriously, I haven't met anyone who hasn't been annoyed with me in the first ten minutes and this guy shattered that routine. Even you didn't, remember? So essentially, he's a solid guy and if he's as smart as Rhodey says he is, then you did choose a safe spot to keep the others._

_Speaking of Rhodey, he's doing better. Pass that on to Sam, because he seemed to care the last time we spoke. Sure, he has metal legs and a shot-to-hell career now but...he's Rhodey. He survives disasters better than nuke bomb sheds._

_I'm guessing that you know about the Compound because of a certain redhead with a penchance for spying on people who trust her and hoarding secrets like Gollum and his Precious. If so, tell her that it creeps Vision out. He's not been comfortable in the Compound ever since he got pushed down six floors and into a crater for trying to protect his team-mate and friend. If he finds out that he's still not secure here, he might just lose it and I already have proof of a broken spine thanks to his distraction. We don't want to have a repeat of that, seriously. I can't afford to make any more bionic supports at the moment._

_People always need family that loves them, Steve. See, most of us are born with family or into it. I know I was, I had a reminder of that given to me every second of my childhood. I had everything a person needs to describe a family. A father, a mother, a pseudo-uncle in Obadiah, a godmother in Aunt Peggy. I even had extended family in Jarvis and Ana, who were never really told where I stood with them. Right from the beginning, I was taught that everyone needs family. It was one of the only lessons I remember most from dad. Maybe because he said it only when I tried to get away from home or tried to be my own self instead of just his creation. You see, family always meant the bonds that tie. Honestly, that is a great philosophy to teach your kids when you're trying to keep them together._

_But what happens when you try to keep them together and only end up hurting them? What happens when the very family that you are told you need is the one breaking you?_

_I wouldn't know about it now, would I?_

_Anyway, like I said, people need families that love them and have their back. Who trust them and show that they can trust the family too._

_I never really thought about it till I read your letter, so I guess I have to thank you for being an eye-opener of sorts. Do you remember the time when Thor's dick-brother came to New York and opened up a hole in the sky? The one I went into with a nuke clenched to my belly? Oh well, I'm sure you remember it. You guys must have become tired of me reminding you of that every time I have to illustrate a point. It's a bad habit I guess, remembering the time when you almost died alone to save the world. You'd know something about that, wouldn't you? What with being held a hero for doing the same decades back? I guess not all of us get the same trust and respect after such stunts but hey, that's okay. That's not the reason why we do what we do._

_As I was reminiscing, the time with Loki, remember that? A funny thing happened when I got to talk to him. We were bantering, like you usually do when you're trying to stall a madman so that your team can get through on time. We were bantering and we got down to throwing down names, comparing our strengths. He spoke about his magic glowstick and his army. I spoke about the Avengers. I think it should have been a foreboding of sorts, because now that I remember, I included everyone in the list, even Phil. Except for one person._

_You wanna guess who that was? The narcissist who can't think about anyone else. Yeah, ironic._

_Strangely, I think I understood subconsciously even then about where I stood. It's a good thing to be self-aware, according to Pepper. I had a couple of problems with that before I got kidnapped and forcibly body modified in a cave, all because my friend, my family really, wanted me dead ad I just refused to do so. Stubborn little fucker, me. I had this self-awareness shtick quite literally jammed into my heart and gotta say, it stuck around._

_I know who I am and who knows me, Steve. I can literally count them on one hand and only one of them falls into the Avengers category; actually, I don't think even he is one. I think Rhodey quit the day he lost trust in his leader._

_I've had a family before, Rogers. I was told I needed it and maybe I did. I would have liked to have that family for a while longer but I guess accidents happen._

_The family you're talking about, the Avengers? Yes, they're my family too. But I'm not theirs. I'm not yours. I think the difference comes with something to do with my earlier thought of families loving you and trust issues. So don't worry about that._

_I'm glad that you had eighteen years of a loving family before you lost it, Steve. Everyone needs good memories to go on in life, to know the warmth of a loving family to build future relationships with. I don't know since when I've been alone. Five? Eight? Eleven? No clue. I don't remember a time when I didn't feel alone, so it must be a pretty long time. Well sure, officially, I've been alone to the world since I was seventeen but 'alone' is such a subjective word, don't you think?_

_I'm sorry you couldn't fit in anywhere, buddy. Must have been tough having people trust you and respect you all your life. Must have been painful to be given all the aids to do what you always wanted to do - fight for the little guy. Must have been embarrassing to have true friends who didn't look down on you, no matter what decisions you took. Must be horrible to have a team that has your back no matter what. Must be really tough getting a second chance at life, getting a chance at closure with those you loved and a chance to hold on to someone you thought lost. I'm really sorry that you had such a horrible life._

_I'm glad you trust in individuals. You can't trust everyone, that's a given in life. I just have one doubt though, is it alright to expect everyone to trust you blindly if you can't trust people? Is it okay to ask people to put their lives in your hands despite your potential to be emotionally compromised at the worst moments, when you can't trust anyone but yourself? I don't know, Cap. I've never been able to figure out the finer points of self-absorbed God-complex much. I'm almost there but you'll have to teach me the tricks to get it better._

_Locks are made to keep people safe, Steve. Or those who are unwanted out. If someone doesn't want to be locked in the wrong place, then maybe they shouldn't get in. Especially if they know where they will land when they go forward. If someone still wants to go out, then maybe they shouldn't expect help from those whose homes they have broken into._

_I'm glad that you know that you hurt me, Steve. It's good to see you being so enlightened. Just in case though, I think I should verify if you've got all the facts right. I hope you're referring to the fact that you lied to me about my parents' death. I hope that you're referring to the two years you stayed in a home I sought to make safe for you and yet thought it better to keep me in the dark. I hope you're referring to the lack of basic decency you showed by letting me stew in a lie of more than two decades just because you thought you knew how to handle my pain better. I hope you're referring to the fact that you held my trust and misused it to get what you wanted. I hope that you're referring to the fact that you pushed me into a corner where I had to learn about the most pivotal change of my life from a man we should have stopped together. I hope you're referring to the fact that you considered that you were judge and jury, that you could 'spare' me the pain of my mother being murdered._

_I hope you're referring to these points, Steve. If yes, then sure, you're right about hurting me. Though do me a favor and ask T'Challa how he would have reacted if he had been in my situation? Because he seemed to be really eager to kill Barnes when he thought that Barnes had killed his father. I'd like some tips to be the bigger man when you've realized that the man you thought killed your family didn't really do it. Except, you know, in my case, it's a bit different. Doesn't matter though, everybody knows I need to be taught how to handle my pain and how to spare myself from it._

_I understand._

_I wish you had tried to do something about the Accords Steve, I really do. As the leader of the team, it was on your shoulders to make an attempt to try and resolve the situation. It doesn't matter that we didn't agree on it, because this isn't the first time we've disagreed. I'm okay with being wrong, Rogers. God knows, this wouldn't be the first time for that either. I just wish you had tried to prove it by being right. Or even attempted to prove the Accords wrong. Or even tried to take any action from protecting the team you said I broke. Not by breaking the law but by using it to fight. I wish you had tried to be the leader and Captain whom everyone trusted and looked up to, had tried to go up against Ross and sorted the issue out yourself. I guess you were too busy taking the reins of the CIA into your hands and leaving all the dirty work to me._

_Again, not the first time, right? Used to it._

_You're right Steve, we should all do what we believe in. But maybe we should also know that what we believe in doesn't just affect us; it also affects civilians who don't know why we're attacking their crowded marketplaces and who Crossbones is or why Steve Rogers could get distracted by a painful memory._

_Speaking of Barnes, let him know that if he needs my tech, it'll be there. He was right and I was wrong. I'm not beyond admitting that and making amends. Everyone who was forced to do things they didn't intend to do deserves a second chance. I guess it's high time he did too. As one trauma survivor to another, tell him I'm sorry. I've sent T'Challa the specifics of BARF. Give him the second page of this letter and he'll know what to do._

_As for me, I'll be fine, buddy. I've always been fine. If I can break myself, I know how to remake myself too. The world however, might not be fine always. If you're so interested in being there for someone, do that for those who still trust you. Do it for the world._

_Tony_

"You okay?" Rhodey asked as he placed a hand on Tony's tense shoulders, watching him close the flap of a pale envelope with a distant look in his eyes.

"Always," Tony smiled softly at his only family and placed it in the bunch of mail he was to send that day, along with the other condolences letters and aid letters written to those who lost their lives in a distant street of Lagos.

**Author's Note:**

> Can you guess that I'm bitter?


End file.
